Night bleeds through
to daylight pain
held so tightly
by the enemy,
I sleep less than soundly
but whenever I'm awake
I'm falling,
between bed-sheets
or stagnant sitting,
life is complicated
and grows harder it seems,
two steps forward
65 Steps back,
I feel like nothing,
maybe I am nothing,
and nothing seems to change;
trapped in this box
4 walls, my prison
I'm sick of looking
at this carpet
and sitting on this sofa
every day the same sounds
my small apartment playground
becomes smaller still
with each passing day.
Tired isn't a strong enough word to describe how I feel,
exhausted to the bone,
through every inch of flesh
my muscles, tendons,
organs and blood,
enveloped with fatigue,
vulnerability a standard mode of living for me,
I might as well be dead
because I already feel it,
pain is a 4 letter word
that you'll never understand
because you can't get into my skin,
I wouldn't want you to,
no one should suffer like this,
I taste it,
strong like black licorice,
I smell it,
pungent like your father's cologne,
I hear it,
pounding, screaming like demons in my ears,
I see it,
Every time I look in the mirror.
Written July 29, 2019
