Sinking like quicksand,
Underneath, beneath pools of sorrow,
A shock to the system,
When the air goes short;
I see, myself-- hollow;
Between two worlds,
Heaven or hell?
Valhalla-- no, not paradise,
More like limbo,
Can you find me?
Beneath these feet,
Lies rooted fears,
Entangled from years of neglect,
I want to breathe again;
In some lost resolution, I want to laugh,
In the ugly face of danger,
Withhold tenderness,
Replace it with passion,
Strip naked and let go,
Toss aside wisdom,
Exchange it for sanity;
Would life be so hard if I were ignorant?
Probably, but I can't forsake the meek,
There's no peace of mind for me;
Too aware, too empathetic for mercy,
Send me down the river,
I will see if the trout wants a friend,
Still the feminine world screams,
Sacrificial slaughter tastes bitter,
My womb empty but full,
With daughters and sons, not flesh,
Not bone-- but endometrioma,
They grow, larger still,
Reminders of my failures,
Each sting, every scar,
Laughing at my faults,
You've taken everything from me,
My home, my dreams, my sanity.
Tie the noose and let me fall.
Originally written: December 10/2017
